Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Two lovers walk in a Seoul Park on a Sunday Afternoon 

(This poemic feeling was conceived of about a week ago on a Sunday afternoon as I was returning back from a Sunday afternoon in Seoul. I don't remember the specific lovers I am writing about...but I remember the feeling of lovers walking around Seoul on a quiet Sunday afternoon. Maybe this feeling came to while I was watching the young lovers coming back from their day on the Subway on a Sunday evening...)

Hello young lovers,
singing your songs,

Hello dear lovers,
as you walk along
a beautiful path
on a great river parkway,

Holding hands
never afraid of the dark way.

Hello young lovers
in your romance
comfortable with your father

Comfortable with his plans.

Hello young lovers
Sitting close on a bench
But never losing your frailty
Always being your best

In your warmth
In your grace
In your delicate breathing together
In your gentle beautiful face, forever!

Hello young lovers
What a beauty from within
As admirable as a heron.
Landing from the wind.

You glide and soar among the Gingko trees and foliage through the night
Until you must go away again
For a week or more into the light.

Hello young lovers
Will I meet you again?

Yes, I will see them and rejoice as a very close friend.

Hello young lovers
Will the darkness send you fright?

"No, no!" They answer,
"We are protected by the LIGHT!"

Goodbye young lovers until
the break of dawn
when cows will jump from out of their stalls
and the two Korean children walk again home.


Monday, September 06, 2004

The girl in Seoul with the car... 

The God who reveals my deepest fears
in a dream that reminded me of a Korean movie.
September 7th, 2004

This morning I had a dream:

I met a girl.
Her name was Allie
and we seemed to get along.

She was a nice educated, university student.
She invited me to a fair where there was a great street market.
We walked and talked,
Looked at the different booths
Filled with delicate, brightly colored scarves,
Trendy clothes,
Games for children, and
Exotic food extracted from octopus and garlic.

She then asked me if I would like to have dinner with her.
A few minutes later, she drove her new blue car
To a very nice
Four star hotel for dinner.

I was amazed the she was driving me and so friendly!

When we walked into the restaurant,
She introduced me to an older couple in their mid-50's:

She told them:
I was her boyfriend.

She told me:
They were her parents!

I was quite surprised as we had only met that day.

Her father and mother were warm to me and shook my hand.They then started to ask me about my career jobs,
My education and plans.

I described what I have been doing the last several years.
For some reason I was quite afraid.
I can't describe the fear,
For I thought I was a more mature adult,
You know, I really don't have to be married to a girl.

What is my fear?
Maybe the Lord is drawing my fears out to free me and to give hope and encouragement to others:

What were my fears:

1) Was it the fear of really falling in love and being loved by another person and then being rejected because I owe student loans?

2) Am I afraid because, these fears coming up in me need to be given to God?

3) Should I really not fear another person coming into my life and helping me to be more familial later in my life?

For if someone wants to have a family with me, I just need to plan finances better and live a little more middle of the road in my decisions:I don't have to fear rejection from the person that loves me.

4)Am I afraid because God is helping me to work out my understanding of marriage and
I don't have to be deceived by a woman because of her beauty,
Based on her outside appearance and initial pleasing manner?

5)Was I afraid of being alone as I am approaching my forties and I am afraid that if I marry an older woman with a child that I really can't have a family that will wholly be mine and feel the love I think everyone needs?

6)Is that concern of mine being selfish?

7)Am I afraid because I question God and doubt that he has promised me a great end to this life
That I should have nothing to fear or worry about?

8) Am I afraid that I will have to go back to America and struggle again without hope approaching my middle years?

9)Why should I be afraid when God has taken care of me well all of my life and he will continue to take care of me well?...that is his business and job not mine!

Finally, in my dream the parents started asking me the hard questions.
They showed me a copy of my credit report with many blemishes.
They asked me how and when I was going to pay my student loans?

I then told them I was planning to stop teaching children and adults in all of my specialties and ministries,
To return to working in a corporation to provide for their daughter, or too, at least, give her a more stable existence.

The funny thing with them,
They didn't worry about the money because they were willing to pay everything!
They would accept me into their family.

As long as they decided that I could be of some value to them and the family...there had to be a negotiable price for becoming a member of their family!
Then they would take me in and let me work for the family corporation and be a valued asset.

At this point in my dream, I left for a few minutes, to do something with some other Americans as an act of service and when I returned there was another American.

He looked younger and more stylish and the father and the girl said to me:

"'We have to be practical, he is the best looking guy!' We are trying to make the best decision based on all the information we have on you both!"

Then my dream came to the end and I had to go to work.

Through this busy day of teaching the Lord has revealed some things about fear in me and how I need to let it go.
The next question is when I will wake up from my current dream?

Plus, I am thankful that all of this pain and fear is coming out on Tuesday because as I give it to you, Jesus...then I will live better and feel better...
and be able to encourage others that they can feel better!

Forgive me Jesus for I weak and poor and way too prideful but you have always taken care of me and love me and will never abandoned and you have good things in store for me and all of your children!

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